There's a WHAT in my shako?
by ShadowSong StarGlaive The Wolf
Summary: Drabbles from the Moutain Valley High School Marching Band, a thankfully fictional band with the completely genuine snark, humor, drama, and craze of a real band. Chapter 6 up!
1. Hair Issues

A/N So, these are random drabbles from a random highschool... I had this HUGE other story, but it's odd, but it explained the characters. So just smile and read along, ja?

"Hey, do you remember that one contest where…"

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"I can't get it off!" cried Ariana, dancing around and clawing at her shako. "Nononono!"

"Hey, calm _down, _just _breeze_ through it," advised a percussion member walking by, dragging a random sousaphone case on little wheels. Whistewhistlewhistle… What was he _doing _with that anyway?

"I CAN'T!" she screamed, doing a weird little hopskip in the halls.

"Here, try this," advised Codi, the Low Brass leader, coming up with a bottle with **Valve Oil **on the label in his hand. He applied some of it to her hair around the shako, and it slid right off.

"Wow, what's in that stuff?" asked Ariana, wiping off some of the goo with her hands.

"Dunno, I found the bottle in the parking lot and dumped out the oil and filled it with some of the Brendi's green hair dye. I have no idea what they put in that stuff!"

It was then she noticed the bright green streak running across her hat line, and in her fingers. "Oh… my… GOD!"

"Dude, that is sooo _wicked_!" exclaimed Jack, running up. "I knew it was in you! Got any purple too?"

"This is awful!" cried Ariana, now spitting on her hands and trying to smear away the quickly brightening green.

"Hey, it sort of matches the show- y'know, the Forest Dream theme!" said Kye, coming up. She had her 'fairy of the woodland' guard uniform on, and was twirling a taped-green rifle. The show that year was 'Dream of the Forest' or in French, "_Reve de le foret_". Some of the drumline members had even dyed their hair green for the show, in a weird act of impulsiveness.

"But but but-" whined the flute, clawing at her hair. "It's ruuuiined!"

"Um, why don't you just dye it some other color?" asked Codi. "It'd look awesome in black!"

"Hey, we have to be out of uniform in ten minutes!" called drum majors Harry and David from down the hall.

So, five minutes later, with her uniform hung up on the rack and desperately scrubbing at her hair in the bathroom sink, a dozen girls clustered around her offering conditioners, shampoos, and God knows what else.

"Like, I think if you add in the methoanolyzer with the bromotionine, it will lighten the effect to a, uh, dunno, mixed brunette and black?" said one of the guard girls.

"Yeah, and with the Extra-strength full-body conditioner, it'll be like back to normal," agreed one of the clarinets.

The three guard guys just sort of stood outside the bathroom listening.

"Dude, that's nuts," murmured Sam.

"What _is_ Ranza holding?" wondered Julien.

"It's a de-frizzer combined with a shampoo-and-conditioner 2-in-one," replied Chester. The other boys looked at him. "Just shut up, okay?"

In about an hour of much sighing, splashing water, and coconut scents, Ariana emerged in trauma but still intact. The girls who had help professed that they had indeed just performed a miracle.

"What is taking so long in there?!?!?" yelled one girl from the low brass section. "Seriously!"

"Apparently there was a hair emergency," loftily replied Chester, who was waiting for Cass, who had accompanied Ariana to the restroom for morale support, or whatever those girls flood in there together floor.

And then the girls heard something very ominous, and pretty much defined the difference between males and females.

"Dude, I found this stuff in the hallway, and so I put some on my hair and- check it **out!**"


	2. Check 1,2,3!

A/N So, these are random drabbles from a random highschool... I had this HUGE other story, but it's odd, but it explained the characters. So just smile and read along, ja?

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(Somewhere, on the bus ride back from a competition…)

"Hey, have you guys ever heard the song 'It's Raining Men?' Wouldn't that be sweet if that happened in real life?"

"… You weren't there during the sound checks in the auditorium, were you?"

(Onto la story!)

"Say something into the microphone."

"Test one two three."

"… Anything but _that."_

It was the day before a contest, and the band wanted to try out the acoustics in the new auditorium built in their school. It was layered with plush seats, wide rows and went back pretty far- a sweet deal.

"This is weird," muttered Ranza, peeling tape off of her flag.

"Freaking weird," breathed Cass under her breath, trying to fix some tangled lines.

"I'm so mad I just don't know what to do," cried a girl in the far corner of the auditorium to her cell phone.

"Messing with microphones, freezing down to my bones," growled Cass, shivering, because God forbid the school heat the auditorium.

"Hey, can we quit singing the Rent soundtrack?" asked someone from above.

"God?" whispered a little freshman.

"No, idiot, it's Jesus, and I'm angry," snapped the person in the rafters back.

"You're not Jesus… you should be speaking Hebrew!"

"Oh my God…"

"DON'T START THAT AGAIN!"

"Hey, why are all the guys up in the rafters?" wondered Kye, looking up.

"Apparently there was a technical problem, and if a guy doesn't go and check it out and fix it by spitting and coughing a lot, then he doesn't have testosterone," lightly replied Cass, finally untangling the cords.

Suddenly, there was a screeching sound from above, and all the girls looked up, wondering which boy had snapped and gone off the deep end.

But then Kye pointed to a corner rafter and went, "Hey, why's Gummy hanging from the bar up there?"

And that's when things went downhill. Well, they probably started way before this marching band ever got together, but this is one of the big moments when everything crashed together.

He slipped and fell, yelling bloody murder, and it was by pure luck that he crashed into a group of chatting saxophones.

That set off a chain reaction of falling boys, from blondes to brunettes to redheads to MY GOD WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR YOU FIX THAT RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN!

Kye dove in a spectacular move and caught Drake, who was quickly followed by Rick, who slammed into an unsuspecting Christy.

"Cass!" yelled a voice about ten feet away from her, and she did an amazing jump and caught her brother, who was curled up in a little ball.

"Um, what happened?" asked Cass, looking around as boys continually fell off the rafters.

"The grating started to angle downwards because of the weight and tilted so we all sort of slid off… Um, you can put me down now."

"Oh."

Brushing dust and rafter crud off of him, Chester caught the note of a familiar song.

_"It's raining men! Hallelujah, it's raining men! Amen!" _

"_Tonight, we are your weathergirls!_" sang Korina with a fake microphone, her sister Sorina harmonizing in.

"_Uh-huh! And have we got a forecast for you!"_ added in Ariana. Cass shot her a look. "Hey, it's kinda fun. Plus, nobody's hurt."

Indeed, after five minutes of boys falling out of the ceiling, it was okay… although people _still kept singing._

"Hey, we can knock off the singing now!" yelled Gummy, who was clearly not in the peachiest mood.

"_Cause you know Mother Nature's single too! Yeah! It's raining men!" _gustily sang the girls, dancing in a weird circle.

And then the band director walked in, looked around, and walked back out. Which was the only sane option possible, really.


	3. O Ye Band Fables

"Do you guys remember when you were little you read Aesop's fables, and were always scared of the hawks because they kept eating the really stupid, gullible doves?"

…

"What?"

(Fable #1- the Trumpet and the Snare Drum)

There was to be a great procession in the Friday pep rally, and to be featured were pictures of the recent Mountain Valley High School graduate football player going into the NFL. The marching band was given this honor to carry the banner with the player's face blazing across it.

A trumpet and a snare drum player were carrying the biggest one, the brass player named Jack, the snare drum player Gummy. When they walked around the track with the banner, the school screamed and cheered for their postgraduate, and upon hearing the cries, Jack looked around and grinned, yelling, "Whohoo, that's right ladies, **it's me**!" Then he dropped the banner and proceeded to dance around waving his arms.

Gummy kicked Jack in the shin and went, "Idiot! They're cheering for the football player!"

Jack looked around and indeed, they had gone silent when the banner had been dropped. "Oh."

Moral: Those who do not deserve the honor shouldn't act like it.

(Fable #2- the Guardies and their Hair)

It was the day of a competition, and Korina and Sorina, members of the guard team, were putting on makeup and gel in the school's bathroom. Putting eyeshadow on her sister, Korina noticed something. "Ew! You've got gum in your hair!"

Sorina shrieked and put her hand to her head, and indeed, a bright pink glob was stuck there. "Ack! What do I do!?"

"We're going to have to cut it off," said her sister, eyeing the blob. "Ugh… let me get some scissors from Karen."

After a few minutes of "What do you need scissors for?" from the guard instructor and "DON'T STAB ME!" from several other members, Korina made her way back to the bathroom, where her sister was futilely trying to wash out the gum. "Got them," said Korina, and positioned herself behind her twin. "Don't freak out, 'kay?"

"'Kay," whimpered Sorina, and it was all over in a few seconds.

"Oh my God. I've got a whole lop-sided thing going on," whispered the girl, horrified.

"Look, I'll cut mine the same way," said her twin, and proceeded to do so. "Hey! Let's pretend like it's a fashion or something. Britney Spears did it too, right?"

So they finished their makeup and strutted around until Ranza, a girl on the rifle line of their guard, came up and went, "What happened to your hair?"

"It's a totally new fashion," said Korina.

"Yeah, doesn't it look hot?" added Sorina.

"Actually, you look kind of stupid." With that, she turned and went back into the cafeteria where snacks were being sold.

Moral: Fools will always look like fools, no matter how they try to act different.

A/N And that was a little Aesop's fable parody. Well, 2, actually... but anyway, review!


	4. Wikifun!

A/N I don't own Wikipedia! But I do own these characters. Remember, read and review!

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"Hey guys, I don't think we're supposed to be using the computer for personal purposes," reprimanded Harry, the drum major, flanked by his partner-in-crime/fellow drum major David, looking at a group of people around the computer.

"But this is a learning experience!" argued Gummy, pointing at the screen. "Did you know the George F. Donnelly Cup is an annual amateur soccer competition organized by the United States Adult Soccer Association? And that it is named after George F. Donnelly, president of the former National Soccer League and prominent figure in promoting soccer in the United States!"

"How is that important?" asked David.

"Well, that's not important- but did you know the Philanthus gloriosus is a species of bee-hunting wasp? Incredible!" cried Kye. Then her brow furrowed. "Philanthus sounds funny."

"You're mom's a-" said about six people.

"NO!"

"Look, if it isn't helping the show, then it's considered personal!" said David. "So look up something about the show."

"Look up stuff about fairies!" excitedly said Kye. "Like, magic ones, the kind in song three!"

"Fairies…" typed in Julien, a (rare) male guard member, and then read, "A fairy -also fay, fey, fae, faerie; collectively, wee folk- WEE FOLK? I find that offensive. The guardies in this show are not **wee**-"

"Don't get your spandex in a wad," snapped Drake. "Keep reading!"

"Fairy kidnapping?" read aloud Kye. "Wow, harsh."

"Fairies riding domestic animals, such as cows, could cause paralysis or mysterious illnesses." mused Gummy. "Dang, that explains _so_ much."

"You had a cow?" asked Kye.

"No, but when I had a fish in the second grade, it froze up and kind of stared at me for a couple of days. Then I realized it was dead."

An awkward silence prevailed.

"Look up forests now," suggested Drake. "Quick, before I have to pretend to practice snare again."

"9.4 of Earth's surface is covered by forests- 30 of all land. Wow… like, if you fell out of the sky, there's an almost one out of ten chance that you'll land in a forest!" excitedly said Kye. "Cool! I wonder how much is covered by swampland!"

"Hey guys, let's not do this-" nervously said Harry. "If Mr. Smith comes in, he'll have our heads-"

"Cool! Did you know the Tanganyika clown (Eretmodus cyanostictus) is a species of fish in the Cichlidae family? I mean, that could totally be a great pick up line!" gleefully exclaimed Kye. She turned to Gummy. "Hey, what's your species of fish?"

"This is _so_ not happening," muttered David and Harry at the same time.

"Hey, what's going on here-" said someone from behind the office door, slowly opening it.

"Eee! It's Canns!" hissed Drake. "He'll tell Mr. Smith if he catches us-"

"WIKIPEDIA! I LOVE WIKIPEDIA!" cried Mr. Canns, rushing over. "Oh oh oh! Type in Britney Spears! I want the latest dish!"

"I'm going to go beat myself with a drumstick," said Harry, followed by David.

"Don't use mine!" chimed Drake and Gummy at the same time.

"You can use my old rifle, Feeny, she's in my locker," called out Kye.

"Hey, is Feeny in Wikipedia?" wondered aloud Gummy.

"Let's see!"


	5. Flight of the Flute

A/N It's marching season again! Do you know what that means?

MARCHING DRABBLES ARE BACK!

(Quest for the Lost Woodwind

"Have you seen my flute?" frantically asked Ariana, rushing up to random band members and demanding the location of her beloved instrument.

"Yes, it ran off with the baritone. They eloped and I wished them the best of luck. You know she was expecting, right?" deadpanned Jack, her close friend/annoying person to deal with often.

"Shut up!" she shrieked and smacked him with a rifle she grabbed out of a random guardie's hand ("HEY! Oh well, it was dented anyway…"). "HAS ANYONE SEEN MY FLUTE!"

"Did you look in your case?" asked one of the drum majors, Harry.

"Yes," gritted Ariana through her teeth.

"Perhaps it is sleeping somewhere," mused Harry. Ariana, trying not to scream, counted the number of knife stabs she was envisioning on Harry's forehead in her mind.

"She," corrected Kye, passing by, lazily twirling her sabre in her hands.

"Excuse me?" asked Harry and Ariana at the same time.

"Your flute is clearly female." With that said, Kye skipped off to the drumline section to poke her boyfriend, Gummy, who was trying to get a curious frog out of his pants.

But that's another story to tell.

"Omigosh, omigosh, I have five minutes until the parade," freaked out Ariana, wildly throwing about her hands and smacking random people in the shoulders and hitting their instrument. "What do I DO?"

"You could go dance behind the guard," advised a piccolo standing nearby.

"Or join the cheerleaders," casually mentioned another tuba.

"I've always found cold cream the best remedy for cat scratches," said a saxophone.

"What?"

"Wait… sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud."

"Do you guys hear that noise-" started Harry, but then realized what it was.

A frog hopped on by, followed/chased by five of the drumline members and several of the guard members. It was only after a few seconds that Ariana realized that in his mouth was-

"MY FLUTE!" screamed the player, diving after the frog, scrabbling in the grass to catch the offending amphibian.

After about five minutes, the whole band had joined in the 'fun', chasing after the rogue thief, but no matter how close they got, the wiley animal slipped out of their grasp and merrily danced on his way, the precious woodwind caught in his clutching mouth.

"WHAT IS GOING ON OVER HERE?!" bellowed the band director. "Band TEN-HUT!"

Everyone quickly got to attention, even if they were splayed out on the ground in the dry, scratchy June grass.

"Ariana, where is your flute?" he demanded, staring her down like a fighter jet on a lone sparrow in the sky.

The woodwind player trembled and pointed at the frog about twenty feet away, the shiny silver goodness flashing in his mouth.

The band held their breath, wondering when Mount Director was going to explode-

-when Gummy grabbed Kye's sabre and whipped it at the frog, spearing-

-the grass, frightening the frog, who chose life over the flute and fled instrument-less into the murky depths of Forest Green Park.

Ariana broke attention and ran over, grabbing her flute and hugging it close, getting goodness-knows-what on her uniform but still happy to have her 'baby' there with her.

The director snorted and stomped off, telling everyone to be ready in ten minutes or there would be heads rolling.

All was good and happy after that- a bright, energy-filled parade in where the band did NOT have to march after the Farm Animals Exhibition but after the florists floats.

But somewhere, in the green, dark pits of loam in Forest Green Park, lurked a force prepared to create chaos for next year's parade…


	6. Fuzzy Punch

Over the years in high school, several living spirits aside from the teachers and the half-formed people known as teenagers have roamed the halls in a desperate attempt to find a home, or at least some decent food.

Neither of which would be found in the school, but how were they to know that?

There was the memorable incident of "The Squirrel at Midnight", in which there was a particularly feisty woodland creature, a bowl of Sprite and Diet Cherry Fizz drink, a bag of candied walnuts, and a group of punch-tipsy saxophones…

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"It's too loud in here," complained Cass to her twin Chester. "WHY did the percussion decide to have an impromptu sectional during the overnighter?"

"Because," calmly said Chester in his "I'm trying not to hurt you with my mind but by God it's a heck of a battle" voice, "they got the new shipment of snares in and they wanted to try them out before the contest next week."

"They have _all next week_ to try them out," she hissed, digging her fingers into his forearm. "_I think I am going to kill a snare player tonight."_

Chester gently pried her digits off of his limb. "Breathe. Count to ten in Japanese. Slowly."

Across the room where the percussion was practicing in a circle, there were the two drum majors Harry and David and several brass players playing Spoons, but instead of spoons being used, little pieces of broken drumsticks were there instead.

A trombone player and a baritone player were nursing splintered fingers, but played on. Ah, the strength of marchers.

Somewhere else across the room, several victims of the guard and flute section were being teased up into 80's hair styles, applied copious amounts of last season's show makeup, and enough fingernail polish to coat the Statue of Liberty- in neon green, no less.

"I don't know why I let you guys do this," muttered Jack, blinking back a thick layer of purple and white eye shadow (last season was based off of fairy rings and midnight, therefore, gothic fantasy). "I swear my section is going to disown me."

"That's cool, we have too many trumpets anyway," said Ariana, now moving onto the blush and lip makeup. "Hey! We still have some of the black lip gloss!"

"I wonder if this stuff can kill you instantly?" hoped Jack, while his fellow victims wriggled in an attempt to get free from their electrical tape handcuffs. Alas, no luck. Nothing can stop the mighty electrical tape.

"I've got to get outside," muttered Cass, and kicked open the band door, not noticing a _whoosh_ and skittering of tiny claws. Meanwhile, inside, the party continued…

"To the gock block!" cried a slightly-woozy sax player, raising a plastic blue cup of pinkish liquid.

"No! To water breaks!" hollered another sax, spilling a bit of their punch. Luckily, it slopped back into the bowl. Or unluckily. The less of that stuff there was left, the better.

"No! To doing the drill 5 times counting and then changing it again!" an unsteady marcher leaning against the thankfully sturdy table.

That sax was clobbered by a fast-moving pair of French Horns. Thank goodness. We don't need their type around here.

"You guys won't believe what I found!" yelled Kye, running in from the guard room. She held up a colorful bag. "Candied walnuts!"

"YAY!" cried half the band, recalling fond memories of the last contest's bus trip, gorging themselves on the delicious nuts, only to throw it up when they got back to the school. Ah, the intelligence of marchers.

Kye began to open the bag to start distributing the sugary fistfuls of loveliness when-

"WATCH OUT!" yelled the percussion section, pointing at something hurtling towards Kye with amazing force. Gummy whipped his drumstick at the brown streak and knocked it into the punch bowl (mercifully shallow now).

"Hey," observed a saxophonist. "There's a squirrel in our punch bowl."

"Let's decorate it!" exclaimed another member of the section.

"Yeah!" they all agreed, fishing the poor, luckless mammal out.

Fifteen minutes later, the guard and flutes had turned their attention to the squirrel, who had been knocked out by the drumstick and was currently turning into what looked like a rodent hooker.

"Where's the eyelash curler?" asked Kye, digging through the pile of beauty supplies.

"It has eyelashes?" asked Chester, peering at the limp bundle of now colored fur.

"No, I'm going to curl his tail…"

And where were the parents and directors, you might ask?

"Brenda, this is the best idea ever," sighed Forest Green Marching Band's director, leaning back in his chair.

"They'll never find us," sighed another band parent in amazement.

The pit orchestra area, filled with a dozen scared adults, was silent for a moment. Then…

"Band camp starts again on Monday," whispered a parent in horror-filled realization.

It never ends…


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